


The colour of hope

by Patches_of_mist



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Cutting, Did I Mention Angst?, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Sad, Suicide Attempt, Warning: Deceit Sanders, extreme emotions, sander sides - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2020-02-07 10:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 8,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18618781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patches_of_mist/pseuds/Patches_of_mist
Summary: Virgil hadn't slept very well and it showed, as he came down Roman decided to mock him a bit too much for sleep deprived Virgil. Deceit doesn't help the situation either.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning  
> Tw - cutting, attempting suicide, screaming, mocking, panic attack, crying. Tell me if I forgot something.
> 
> Also this is a quickly written thing on my phone so please forgive any bad grammer or spelling
> 
> Stay safe!

Virgil's head hurt, he hadn't gotten enough sleep to function properly for at least an hour. He dragged himself out of bed anyway. He threw on a long sleeved shirt making sure no one could see his scars.

 

After he had made sure his arms were properly covered by his shirt he went downstairs. Roman was sitting at the table loudly talking about how he had vanquished another dragon and saved another damsel in distress. When he saw Virgil he laughed and didn't even try to cover it. Virgil's anxious mind began to come up with hundreds of reasons he could be laughing at him here are the top 5  
° He forgot his pants  
°He wasn't wearing any eye makeup  
°Roman had gone crazy and was laughing at everything  
°He had forgotten to comb his hair  
°He was after growing a tail

 

Patton shot Roman a look to try and stop him laughing but he was still chuckling behind his hand. Virgil had enough and sat down as far from Roman as possible. He could still here Roman it was very annoying and he was very self conscious and hearing someone laughing at him was upsetting. Roman eventually stopped only to start mocking him. Deceit who had entered the kitchen a few minutes after Virgil was laughing at every insult Roman threw at Virgil. Virgil had enough he pushed back his chair took his plate and went to leave but Roman had one last remark to make 'Geez panic! At the everywhere is no fun, lighten up for goodness sake' this really upset Virgil he glared at Roman before leaving.

 

****later that evening *****

Virgil came out of his room and the laughter started again only now it was Roman AND Deceit.  
Virgil spun around he had lost it he screached at Roman and started telling him exactly what he thought of him. Roman looked shocked before putting a arm on Virgil and saying in a matter of fact voice that 'Now Virgil we all know that your not very how should I put this umm fun at all, so I recommend that you go somewhere we don't have to see or hear you until you learn to watch that little temper you have, OK? '. And then out of nowhere Deciet shouted from across the room' The only place he could go that wouldn't get in our way would be his grave! '. Virgil's eyes filled with tears and he sprinted into his room.

 

Patton' s eyes glared at Deciet and Roman before chasing after Virgil.

 

Virgil threw his door open before slamming it closed and locking it. He sobbed before falling to the floor with a loud thump. He dragged himself to the bathroom and opened the bottom drawer of his cabinet and took out a sharp metal object. He was about to press the razor into his skin when he heard Patton outside his door. 'kiddo? Can you hear me please come out. '. Virgil let out a sob and crawled to the door and tapped on it. Patton must of understood and tapped back. Virgil let out a shallow breath and told Patton good bye before tossing the razour to the ground and getting out a rope. As he hung and tied the rope he heard Patton screaming for help, for Virgil to let him in. As he stood on a stool he heard the others he also heard Roman throwing his weight against the door. Before he stepped off he said barely loud enough for them to hear goodbye. He heard a sharp scream coming from Patton as he stepped off.

 

******The next day******

Virgil cracked open his eyes only to be blinded by a light. He smelled the other sides around him and he heard a muffled sob coming from somewhere near his feet. Then all his memories came rushing back. He sat up his breathing already becoming fast and tight. His vision was blurring and going dark he heard a calm voice next to him saying.... Numbers? Yes numbers 4 7 8, 4 7 8.His vision came back and his chest loosened and he turned to see Logan looking at him with red eyes. He burst into tears and curled into Logans shoulder. 

 

*****A few weeks later*****

Virgil had recovered from his suicide attempt and had thanked the other sides for saving him. 

Maybe things will get better, maybe they won't but so far it looked hope full.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the very short and is just setting the scene for the next one. So the next one will be way longer I'm just still planning it.

Things were awkward to say the least, Virgil may have recovered from his suicide attempt but everyone else hadn't. Parton insisted on everyone gathering at the end of the week to talk about emotions. Roman had been avoiding Virgil. And Logan had decided to become Virgils therapist. As for Deciet no one really sees him.

 

So although everyone was physically healthy things weren't back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm hi I'm still here.  
> I'm sorry this took so long I had exams (still do ) and found it hard to make time to write. Thanks to everyone who stuck around and to all those who have recently discovered this mess of a fic.

Thump thump thump, his heart pounded in his chest as he stumbled down stairs trying to look as happy as possible without drawing any suspicious looks from the others. Virgil hated every second of this the looks Patton gave him which ranged from sympathetic to over the top happy and Logans precise glances drove him crazy. Roman was avoiding him like the plauge and Deciet was just gone.

 

Today he was grateful to still be alive and knew killing himself was a stupid idea the other would have to suffer if he successfully did it, having to take on his jobs would wear them down. He knew he had to stay somewhat alive as not to burden the others. He had reached the table and watched as everything around him moved like clockwork. Patton making breakfast, Logan reading the stats of the brain and Roman writing a mile a minute coming up with new ideas the second he finished writing a different idea down. Today the movement seemed stiffened and slow as though someone forgot to oil the clock making the cogs wear against each other making everything less efficient. 

Patton placed a plate gently in front of Virgil making it seem as though any loud noise would break the characters they were so focused on being. See Logan had told them while he thought Virgil was out of ear shot that if they each played a role in his life he would be less likely to attempt suicide again. This means Logan is a therapist asking awkward questions that hurt Virgils brain to answer. Patton was the parental figure who cooked, cleaned etc. And Roman didn't take part in this making him the only normal one or so it seemed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is from Deciets perspective.

READ NOTE ABOVE

It's hard. People think it's so easy, to be the villian. But it's not. I have no friends to talk to after a hard day. No one saying I did a good job. No one, all I get is silence.   
And yes silence is something I used to long for when we were children but now I wish somthing would break the silence something other then the pointless click of the clock telling me I spent another second, minute, hour, day alone. 

 

Virgil was my silence breaker. His joyful laugher filling each room with a sound so delicate that even fairies would be scared they'd break it. He was my world. I enjoyed every moment we were together, and since we were both exciled at the same time we knew each others pain.

But a while back he was accepted back into the group that had cast him so carelessly away and he took it. Running straight back to the people who had happily taken his heart and thrown them away. 

He had left me without a second thought, so when I was invited back to the group I spared no thought to Virgil he had made his choice and this was mine.. 

 

When Roman teased Virgil I could see his face fall like someone stomped on his heart and I adored it now he could feel the pain I felt when he left. Once I had established a place in the group I started joining in on the teasing. I never thought he would........  
I was careless with his heart and I had become the villian I had always been thought as. So now I hide I my room, avoiding the fact that now..... I was as bad as the shadows I spent so long telling Virgil not to believe. 

I had two options from here one face the facts and apologise or two join the shadows who only live to destroy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also sorry for the tiny chapters. They take a while to write and I'm on mobile. I'm finished school for 3 months so hopefully I'll update more frequently.
> 
> Hope your enjoying the story so far   
> Also comment which option you want deceit to choose. 
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note not a chapter PLEASE READ

I'm so incredibly sorry about not updating sooner. I had an issue with my phone that stopped me from updating, new chapter soon maybe later today or tomorrow. I am so thankful for everyone who's sticking around for the story. I'm now writing on my laptop ,I would love to say that that meant longer chapters but probably not . I'm sorry again for not updating I'm trying my best. Also sorry about the note at the bottom I cant remove it so please just ignore it ill tell you when Im thinking of stopping.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

**** Romans point of view ****

Why? Why am I still here? I hurt virgil and since virgil is part of Thomas I hurt Thomas as well. I am meant to protect everyone and defeat villains not be them. 

 

I was only poking a bit of fun at him. I never knew how much it hurt him. I would've stopped, said sorry and tell him how much he's worth to us. 

 

At the start we were all so care free. Laughing together, enjoying each others companionship. Then it changed, we changed. We made tiers of importance placing ourselves at the top and discarding those we deemed less worthy of the title of main side. 

 

It was a foolish idea that only created divides that even time won't heal. There will always be scars littered across the dark sides arms from their attempts at trying to rid themselves of the pain we caused.

 

How we decided who was "worthy " was by logan. His matter of factness left little room for emotion only allowing a stray tear roll to down his face as he told his friends that they were no longer equals in a tone that was so emotionless that even a robot would flinch upon hearing it. 

 

So here I am sitting at the end of a table surrounded by people who tolerate me more then my own soul feeling miserable and wallowing in the past. I should feel terrible for what I did to virgil but I'm distancing myself from it, for if I take anymore guilt upon my shoulders I fear they would crack bringing down my royal facade with them.


	7. Chapter 7

This is just an author note

I just wanted to take some time to say thank ye all so much. I love reading your comments they are so kind and help me with motivation. Im so happy people like this considering it was an idea that came to me on the drive home from town. So a big thanks from my heart to each of ye. I don't want to ramble so thank ye for sticking with me through my terrible uploading schedule and bad story telling.

Lots of thanks   
The author ❤️


	8. Chapter 8

Remus's perspective ********

I don't know what's going on, I just want some toast and crofters.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patton perspective.
> 
> I'm doing logans perspective next hopefully I'll have that out soon.

PATTONS PERSPECTIVE *****

I'm morality. I should know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad.

So why couldn't I see that Romans teasing was bad. It hurt Virgil and I didn't notice. Well that's not true.... 

I noticed. I saw Roman tease Virgil. Every word I heard it. And yet I did nothing. Maybe it's because i so desperately want them to get along with each other. I saw Romans remarks as friendly banter not cruel insults. 

I've been given the role of father figure by Logan. We each have roles but only me and Logan are doing it. Roman won't. 

Roman, I haven't seen him in a while. I'll check on him later. 

What was I saying? Oh yeah. I'm the father figure I cook clean ect. I don't mind my roll it's easy in a way. Yes I have to work almost all day but it helps make up for my failures. 

It's my punishment for not being a better person. I have decided this myself and I'm sure if Logan or the others knew they'd be furious, but it has to be done.

I failed therefore I need a punishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading xxx
> 
> Sorry it's so short.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.  
> Sorry its so short.

***logans pov***

1+1=2 it always will be. There's a guarantee when dealing with numbers. They make sense. There's no if and buts, the number 1 isnt going to change its value because it feels like it.

I'm not emotionless. I feel, I hurt, I cry. I've been doing a lot of that recently. Feeling that is not crying, I don't like crying it makes it obvious what your feeling. I don't want people to know I feel. 

Virgil isn't a number though. His opinions can change because of things as simple as he feels like it. So I can't use logic to help. I have to feel to help. And I don't... I don't understand. 

I don't understand a lot of things. I also understand a lot of things. I can tell you why the sky's blue but I can't tell you why Patton started sweeping the floor for the 6th time today. I can make a guess such as maybe he spilled something but I can't be sure. I don't like not being sure it throws things off. If I'm not sure I can't help and if I can't help I'm useless. 

I wish things were easy. I wish people were like numbers making sense. I wish wishing worked. But it doesn't. I have to change things myself. But I can't if I don't understand such simple things as why is Roman smiling but not happy. It doesn't make sense. 

Logic is about things that make sense. Not this. It's not about why Patton is now sweeping the floor again or why Romans eyes are filled with sadness and logic is definitely not about why Virgil tried to kill himself. 

So no I don't understand. But I'm trying. And maybe one day people will make as much sense as numbers but for now 1+1=2 and that is logic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you've probably guessed the Remus chapter was a joke. This is his actual chapter based off a suggestion from BeeCeits comment.
> 
> Enjoy

Remus's pov*****

I'm a dark side. Pretty obvious. I don't try and hide it like some people I know. 

Apparently a certain someone tried to kill themselves. I didn't think he had it in him to be honest. But it doesn't affect me really. Deciet was upset when that happened saying it was his fault and all that. I don't really care.

I don't see a point in caring. I used to care but long gone are the days I used to care about Virgil and Deciet. See I care about Roman since we're brothers and I used to care about Virgil since he was a friend of mine and I cared for Deciet since we we're planning buddies.i was impartial to Logan and Patton. 

I can still remember the old days. When we we're all cast out. It was sad but happy at the same time. I didn't mind but some of the others did. The only way it affected me was I couldn't openly visit my brother. I had to do it secretly. 

I vist my brother quite frequently. He is kind to me in ways only brothers can. I've seen his pain. And it hurts. He is so brave in the face of danger but yet he cannot ignore or stand strong in the face of his own criticism. I've told him so many times nothing his mind is telling him is true and he is nothing short of amazing yet he won't listen,he won't understand. 

I can never stay long enough in his room to convince him he isnt as bad as his brain makes him believe. 

Recently I was in his room without him I had grown bored of the constant bickering from the darksides and left. I saw his plans and his dreams and his ideas. But one stuck. I picked up the piece of paper letting tears run down my face in a steady stream as I read his plans. 

Today I promise you brother if you do this I will make everyone pay. I love you brother and no one can stop me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey its me.  
> I'd like to say thanks to my friend. Your amazing and really inspire me to write. And to ye for reading this. 
> 
> Anyway on with the story Enjoy.

No ones pov****

Everyone was in the main room. Logan was at the table making a puzzle. Parton was cleaning the counters. Virgil was sitting on the fridge listening to music. And Roman,Roman was after cheering up recently. He spent less time alone in his room and more time in the kitchen table coming up with ideas and talking with Patton. 

 

There was a sense of something hanging over them, like a thick fog ready to descend on the peaceful scene and cause mayhem to once again take hold of the reins and steer them back down the road of stress and sadness, bringing them further away from their goals of recovery. 

Yet that was ignored, dismissed. No one wanted that to be the case. They all wished to be left alone in peace and happiness. Although they all knew the feeling of the peace slowly slipping away like sand through a hour glass. 

Logan felt this when he couldn't find the last corner piece to finish the edge of his puzzle. He was losing his patience and would soon give up to go read a book to try and control his anger. Usually something so simple wouldn't have upset him but he was under so much pressure and his calm mask was beginning to crack. 

Patton felt this as he started at his hand that were rubbed raw from all his cleaning and stung like someone had poured lemon juice in a fresh cut. 

Virgil felt this when his music kept skipping and stopping. As with Logan this wouldn't have upset him but he was incredibly stressed and he felt like screaming at the world to stop causing him pain. 

And Roman felt this in everything he did. He felt peace slip from the world around him as he decided now was the time to put his plan into action.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling like writing today so there should be a few updates throughout the day

Romans pov******

Step one : Plan the gifts

For Logan a puzzle and novel. 

For Patton a toy dog that acts real. 

For Virgil my Disney posters and a card

And lastly for my brother my apologies.

Step two : Deliver the gifts without them noticing

Logans I put in his room on his bed as he never goes near his bed until night. 

Pattons I put in his arts and crafts cupboard as he does art in the evenings. 

Virgils I put in his room on the couch as he hardly ever sits on a surface ment to be sat on. 

And Remus's was placed on my bed he visits me every second day.

Step three : Say your goodbyes

I walked up to Logan and grabbed his hand giving it a firm shake I look him in the eyes and tell him how he is an amazing friend and I appreciate him being there for me in times of need. He of course was less appreciative of being harresed by me in the library but he still thanked me for the odd gesture.

Patton I summoned a cake in the shape of the dog emoji that had the words thanks dad put on the collar, when I handed it to him he smiled and gave me a hug while telling me anytime kiddo. 

Virgil was harder to thank as my years of insults had made him think everything I say to him is sarcasm. Yet I walked to his door and knocked. After a few moments virgil appeared in the doorway and with a frown asked what I wanted. I smiled and handed him my moana Disney poster. Thanks he said it in a unsure voice as though he thought I was about to hit him with my sword. I gave him a soft smile and said what can I say except your welcome and thank you. He gave me an odd look before shutting the door with a genuine smile.

I felt good after giving the gifts. Yet I still had step four. I don't have a gift to give remus but he'll get one in the morning during his visit.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious warning its also a spoiler so only skip if you aren't triggered by extreme emotions and character loss
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> WARNING******
> 
> major character death  
> Extreme emotions   
> Crying  
> Shouting   
> Panic attack   
> Self hate  
> Tell me if I missed any. Stay safe
> 
> These aren't all in this chapter but they're in the chapters coming after this.   
> Enjoy!

Romans pov********

 

Step four : Remove yourself from the equation

I made my way to the old hallway. You see as we grew the mindpalace changed and grew with us but the old halls and rooms still remained. These rooms are core functions and are only supposed to be entered if something goes terribly wrong and for equipment checks to make sure all the machines work. 

I pass the rooms for breathing, blinking ect. And I reach the final door our essence. Its what makes us us or Thomas Thomas. Its our core, our bodies are projected from our cores. The core is in the shape of your core love or passion, I only know mine as I've never looked for the others. 

But now I see them

Mine is a rose from the world of Disney the type that the price gave the princess as a token of love and loyalty. 

Pattons is a heart showing he loves everything not just a certain person place or thing. 

Logans is an encyclopedia of the world showing his thirst for knowledge and desire to learn

Virgils is a shield to show how he only aims to protect us and Thomas and not to do damage.

The dark sides cores are in a different room locked with a key each darkside has. 

I approach my core carefully, is this it? Do I really want this? Yes. Yes I do. No longer will I be a dead weight on the others shoulders. I've written enough ideas to keep Thomas going and after that my core will work without having me physically   
Getting in the way...... 

It's whats best for Thomas. Its what's best for everyone. I suppose in a way I'll be dying. I reached out and touched my core watching as it slowly absorbed me back leaving nothing but a slight glow that hung in the air for a few minutes before disappearing into the atmosphere.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Logans pov***

I was in the library when I was approached by Roman. I usually would of sent an annoyed glare his way before telling him to bother someone else until I'm done. But this time it felt different almost urgent. Yet all he did was shake my hand and thank me? Whatever he's Roman. He does things on a whim. 

But now that I think of it, he was acting strangely, restless although he was in a rush. I shall ask him about it at dinner or maybe after. Well whatever time I ask him, I should get an answer so for now I should put the thought out of my mind and focus on my reading. Romans odd behaviour can be dealt with at a later time. I push the nagging thought away and pick up the book I placed down during Romans short visit. 

Pattons pov***

CAKE! I adore cake. Its possibly the most delicious thing ever or maybe its cookies? Either way I got a free cake and off Roman no less AND it's on the shape of a dog! 

My day went from alright to PAWsome really quick. I still have the nagging thought of I should be cleaning being useful but right now I'm focused on eating this delicious cake or at least part of it. Things are really looking up. Roman told me the cake was his way of saying thanks to me. Isn't that nice? I'm so glad my kiddo is happy. I KNOW! To say thanks to Roman for saying thanks to me I should draw him a picture. I'll brain storm ideas of a suitable picture while I eat this amazing cake. I can't wait to see his face when I hand him a thank you picture! It's going to be great.

Virgils pov***

I was on my room sitting on the banister of my staircase when I heard a knock on my door. I got up only to see Roman standing there looking lost in thought. That expression lasts only a second as his head snaps up when the door creaked at being opened. He looks at me and hands me a moana poster, this is one of his favourite posters. This really confused me. But OK? I say thanks only to be met with the last line of the song your welcome from moana. I give Roman a smile his singing just cheers me up.

I gently close the door the smile lingering on my face, my mind on course is screaming but I push it down right now is not the time for me to be asking why, I should just be happy. And with that thought blocking out the worry I put on my headphones and listen to some moana songs before opening my usual play list and hitting shuffle. My emo heart let our a happy squeak as welcome to the Black parade's intro started playing.

No one's pov**

Some were oblivious and some suppresed the burning question of why. Maybe if they had noticed or asked the future would of been different. But they didn't and the past is set in stone. As the final note of welcome to the last parade faded into a new song it was too late. He was gone.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to my friend for giving me the idea for this chapter.
> 
> Warning  
> Shouting  
> Crying  
> Harmful thoughts
> 
> Tell me if I missed any. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Romans pov***

Red, its all I can see. I suppose that makes sense I am in a rose. Does that make sense? I hope it does. I don't have logan to tell me if it does or not. I also don't have Patton giving me comforting smiles. I don't even have Virgil that even though he can be mean was still a great friend. 

I don't have..... anyone. I'm alone, what have I Done?  
\- You've failed -  
Who said that? I thought I was alone.  
\- Oh you are alone, alone with your deepest thoughts -  
So your...... Me?  
\- It's not always about you Roman maybe if you used we more then me, the others would put more effort into making sure you were ok. -  
They did care they were just busy with caring for Virgil after......  
\- after what Roman after trying to kill himself because of you? -  
It wasn't all on me, Deceit told him to die.  
\- Putting the blame on others, I see. -  
NO I'M NOT. I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.  
\- Hahaha, Roman I'm your thoughts, I know what happened. I'm just trying to get you to see that if you had been a better person. If you weren't a failure to the other sides then they would be looking for you but their not, in fact here let me show you. - 

The red flashed into a blinding white screen. As it fades to a dim glow I see Patton, writing happily on a piece of note paper from logan probably. 

Next logan flashes up he's reading the same novel that he was reading last time we met. 

And Virgil, he's sitting on his banister with his eyes closed it wouldve looked peaceful if it wasn't for the frown on his face. I was ready to turn away when he sat up and took something into his hands. It was my poster. The frown sat for a minute before it gave way to a blank face with a single tear going down his face. Roman would've missed it if he hadn't been straining his ears to pick up any noise from the sides. 'Oh, Roman please say you didn't'. 

Then the screen was gone replaced by the never ending red. 

This time when the voice spoke it sounded unsure and nervous  
\- you see Roman, Pattons happy, Logans happy and Virgil is.... He's umm, he's thinking about why you said all those terrible things-  
Roman knew the voice was lying but he knew the truth would hurt just as much as the lies and he wasn't ready to face what he had done.

This was his core, his thoughts and being here was his punishment


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy,  
> Also thanks to my friend who gave me the idea for this chapter.

Virgil pov****

I wipe the tear away, it's stupid right? He wouldn't would he? I'm being stupid. That was an exaggeration he didn't mean it literally. 

Yes that's it I'm being dumb. But what if I'm not what if he did what if its all my fault?

It's a gift not some big meaningful gesture. Any second now I'll hear him singing diney tunes. I strain my ears not a noise. I slide off the banister. He's probably in the imagination, right? 

I drag myself slowly to the door, he'll laugh at me for being so worried. 

Oh how I want to hear his laugh, I want to hear anything that will prove my anxious brain wrong. 

I slowly walk down the hall. I can see Romans bedroom door but something is wrong. The side is rotting, Roman would never let his door rot. The rot falls off reveling a dark green with a black border. Once all the once regal looking paint had peeled off it reveled the new door. It wasn't Romans room anymore it was Remus'.

I'm right. I don't want to be right. I don't want this. Please please PLEASE. I don't want him to be gone we need him, I need him. 

I fall onto the floor and crawl to the corner of the hall sobbing. I hear footsteps approach me but I make no effort to move my head. 

Then I hear it. 'Your too late Virgil. He's gone' Remus let out a dark chuckle before going back into his new room. I continue to sob.

Roman please. I don't want to lose you. I feel the world growing dark around me my breathing becomes rapid and tight. I'm so lost in my panic attack I don't feel Pattons arm on my back rubbing comforting circles to try and calm me down. 

Nothing will help. The darkness closes around me and I go limp.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait but here's the next chapter. Hope ye enjoy!

****Pattons pov*****

I had finished the idea for the drawing and was going to my room to grab some colours from my arts stuff when I saw a panicked Virgil on the floor. I immediately dropped to the floor and began trying to calm him to no avail. I would've called for Logan but shouting near a panicking Virgil wouldn't have ended well. I continued rubbing small circles in his back until his body went limp. 

I had a moment of panic before realising that he had just passed out. I gently lay him on the floor before running off to grab Logan. 

***Logans pov****

I let out a sigh as I was interrupted again. I get up and open the door only to be met with a panicked Patton, he quickly filled me in on the situation and I followed him to where Virgil lay unmoved on the floor. I bend down and check his pulse faster then normal but that was fine after just having a severe panic attack. I gently pick him up before making my way down the halls to his room. 

As we entered I decided that the couch would be the best place to put him and instructed Patton to move the few items that were on it. After it had been cleared I slowly lowered Virgils unconscious body onto the soft cushions before writing a short note letting him know what had happened and where to find us when he had regained consciousness. 

I then gestured for Patton to follow me as I made my way quietly out of the anxious sides room. 

Once outside I walk past Romans room stopping a moment to look at the new paint work before sighing Roman will figuratively lose his head at Remus' newest 'prank'.

After I made my way back to the room I pick up my novel again, my eyes move across the page but I'm not taking any of the information in. Why did Virgil have a pain attack so severe, was it Romans door?  
Was it just an over reaction I sigh shutting the book.  
I decide to join Patton who was baking "get better" cookies for Virgil. I help him bake and allow his seemingly endless chatter to fill my mind pushing the questions out of my mind for now.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope your enjoying so far.

Virgils pov**

I woke up feeling dizzy and really disoriented. I moved to prop myself on my elbows to look around. I'm in my room. Still confused I see Logans letter. I slowly get up my brain still groggy. I walk to the kitchen where Logan and Patton were sitting eating some cookies. When they see me they gesture to a spare chair and Patton slides the plate of cookies towards me. I take cookie before sitting on the counter and putting my feet on the chair. I can tell Logan wants to ask a question but doesn't want to be rude. I give him a nod. This was the confirmation he needed as he immediately started talking " Do you know what caused the sudden panic attack?was it due to seeing what Remus had done to Romans door as a practical joke? Was it a different trigger one we should know about as to avoid bringing any unnecessary pa.. Yes?". At the end I raised my hand to stop Logans miniture rant "practical joke?". "well yes Remus is know to be a bother when he gets bored.". I nod my head "yeah, that makes way more sense.". Logan looked at me with a puzzled expression I take a deep breath before launching into an explanation "You see, Roman came to my room and gave me a Disney poster and that's fine but then I remembered what he said one day about only giving away Disney posters if he's going to die. And I got really worried so I went to his room and saw what Remus had done and it freaked me out so I had a panic attack " Logan gave a reassuring smile or as best he could it turned out looking like a menacing grimace but it was the thought that count "see a simple misunderstanding, now that's settled I'm going to my room". I smile at Patton before sinking out. I'm going to have a lie down it's been a weird day. As I walk past my coffee table I see an envelope with Romans stamp on it. I walk over and take it with a smirk. Of course Romans fine this is probably a letter mocking me for being so worried. Looking back I wish it was that I wish it was mocking me and being cruel it would be better then what i got. As I open the letter the smirk falls from my face in seconds and a loud scream comes from my mouth.


	20. Not a chapter

Sorry the spacing isn't working for some reason. I'll try to fix the last chapter. Sorry for any inconvenience caused by this.

Have great day or night   
The author


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank ye so much for reading and leaving kudos. I can't believe we're almost at 2000 hits. I hope your enjoying the story. Please feel free to leave a comment.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> Angst warning for the next chapters.

The card**

Dear Virgil.

I'm sorry, I know those words don't change the past but I hope you know I do really mean it. 

And please realise you are one of the most amazing people I know. None of the things I said to you were true. I just wanted someone to feel the way I did. And I chose you. I don't know why. Looking back it was the cruelest thing to do. But I didn't think. I was hurt and instead of asking for help I tried to ignore it by hurting you. 

As I sit at my desk now, writing this letter for the seventh time I realise that I'm no prince I'm a villian.   
And since their is no room for a villian in Thomas's mind I decided to leave. 

I hope you can heal with me gone. And I'm so sorry you had to get hurt in the first place. 

From Roman

______________________________________________________


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the lack of updates.  
> School started and I got really distracted. I'll try to get a better uploading schedule but no promises. Again so sorry.   
> Enjoy this chapter  
> Warning angst

Pattons pov*

I was about to take a bite of cookie when I heard a blood curdling shriek, the cookie fell from my hand as I stumbled to get up. 

I sunk out and into Virgils room where I see Virgil curled up on the floor tears pouring out of his eyes. Eyes, his were glazed over don't think he can see us nor hear us. The next thing I know I'm on my knees whispering comforting words and approaching the darker side slowly. I go to rub his back but an arm yanks me back harshly. I spin around and see Logan. His face was drained of all colour and he looked frightened, a rare expression to be seen on his face. 

" He can't hear or see us Pat, depending on what he is seeing touching him might provoke a violent response or cause the attack to continue for longer. All we can do is wait and help when the panic subsides."

Patton nodded at the logical side and allowed his eyes drift to the floor where a letter was scrunched up. He knew it wasn't his place to pick it up but if it led to the discovery of what caused the panic attack then maybe it would help them to calm him. 

Logans pov****

I watched as Patton picked up the paper. His face sunk into a frown before a tear slipped down his face. Patton shoved the paper into my chest before sinking down. 

After reading the paper I'm lost for words. What does this mean? A side can't leave. Can they? Virgil ducked out but we noticed his presence was gone by Thomas lack of anxiety but Thomas had an idea just this morning. So Roman can't be gone unless Remus? No hes the negative side of creativity so Roman has to be hear to some degree. 

My brain was still spinning when I came to a realisation, he wouldn't would he? That's so dangerous. Roman knows better then that doesn't he?

I need to go now. This isnt just kinda risky. This threatens us all including Thomas


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is jumping back a bit to Remus.  
> Enjoy  
> Warning  
> Shouting  
> Crying  
> Upset  
> Anger
> 
> Tell me if I missed any

READ NOTE ABOVE

****Remus' pov******

It was my usual vist to Ro, sink out of the darkmind and into Romans room without being seen. So that's what I did. As soon as I rose up I knew something was off. There was no comforting glow of fairy lights or notes scatter around it was too cold and stiff to be Romans room but it was. I decided to wander around hoping with all my heart that it was a joke but knowing it wasn't, that's when I found it the note that changed everything. 

Dear Remus

I'm so sorry.  
I know your probably furious at me. And Im okay with that. I don't mean to upset you. I just wanted to make everyone else happy. And I think me being gone will let them be happy. So Remus, brother with a heavy heart I had all my duties over to you. You'll get my room my notes the imagination, everything you couldve wanted  
Just please look after them for me. 

From your brother,Roman 

Everything I could ever want.? All I've ever wanted was to be able to talk to my brother without it being as hushed up as a drug deal. All I've ever wanted was for him to be happy. I'm fine with being locked away in the smallest room in the darkest corner of the Mind if Roman is happy. Oh don't worry Roman I'll look after them, I'll give them everything they deserve and more

The room grew dark as Remus' anger grew the door rotted and turned green with black and the rest off the room followed.

He heard a small whimper outside an went to investigate, it was Virgil. He decided to upset him more. After that was done he vanished back into his new room. He began to come up with a plan to get revenge for his brother.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.
> 
> Warning a lot of emotion here

No ones pov**  
A few hours later**

The three traits sat at a table made for four. They were discussing what Roman meant by without him. Logan already had an idea but he was open to other suggestions as his was incredibly dangerous 

"He must of went to.... To... To.... To the imagination!" Virgil looked towards Logan hopefully. The logical trait shook his head watching as Virgils face crumbled. "If he was in the imagination we'd be able to summon him, and well...... We can't..." Patton let out a sob"My poor kiddo, what did I do wrong" Virgil rushed to Pattons side but before he reached him he was knocked back by an arm.

Remus. He had risen up. "I heard your 'little' dilema from MY room down the hall. And to aid you heres the answer. Ye all drove him away, ye all ignored him, ye all destroyed him! And because of ye I can't see him I CAN'T SEE HIM EVER AGAIN BECAUSE OF YOU, BECAUSE YOU RUINED HIM. YOU BROKE HIM.. " Remus trailed of with a manic giggle, tears openly streaming down his face leaving large streaks of eye shadow on his face " and now.... I'm going to break you. " He let out a roaring laugh before sinking out.

Patton had lost all hope and had curled into himself. Virgil hadn't moved from his position on the floor and Logan had enough of this. The dark blue side rose angrily from his chair letting it scrape the floor. He is done with this. "Get up. We're getting Roman" "But we don't know where he is" Virgil stuttered "I do"

And with that they set off following logan down the halls till the reached it the place that held their cores.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ye all know what I'm going to say.
> 
> I'm so sorry, like so sorry. I had the idea for this and the time but I had no motivation. But hopefully this extra long chapter might help? Again I'm so sorry. Shout out to my friend (you know who you are) for giving me motivation.(I also didn't proof read its late and I'm tired so sorry for any bad gramme or spelling) 
> 
> Enjoy  
> The author

*no one's pov*

The group made their way down the halls till they reached the room they needed. Logan reached out finger's brushing against the cool metel, before being launched backwards. A dark green figure rose up with the force of an angry bull,knocking all the sides back.  
"what do you think your doing!?" Remus' voice boomed, "You really think you can just hide away in your cores?, after what you did?". Patton panicked terrified of the dark sides presence "No its not like that we jus-"."oh shut it". Remus glared at them all with pure hatred,these are the people that ruined his life.

He quickly marched forward snatching them while they each looked at each other panicked looking for the words needed to calm the furious side. Whilst he still had a hold on their collars he quickly sunk down into the dark scape. Each side looked worried but Virgil looked horrifid, his face was void of any colour as his dilated pupils darted around his past home. Memories flooded his brain overwhelming the anxious side his body quickly reverted to his core function. Fight or flight. His body jerked forward, he looked like a scared wild animal. Remus had seen this coming and had tied them up with a snap of his fingers, after all they were playing on his property and he made the rules. 

But he forgot Virgil had once been a full dark side and also new how to play this game. Virgil tried to control his body, taking large deep breaths till his brain had finally cleared, he looked up at the other sides around him each struggling against the ropes that had engulfed their bodies. He knew what he had to do,with all his strength he focused on the old part of him that could control this side of the mind the part of him he had hidden away. He opened his eyes glared at Remus who smirked back at him, obviously thinking he had won,and snapped his fingers. The ropes fell from him and immediately he sunk down to the mindscape.

As soon as he reached the mindscape he collapsed to the ground panting heavily, his mind then forced him to get up. Remus could be right behind him. His aching limbs pulled him from the ground and he staggered forward. He kept going till he reached the door. The recent events played back in his head till eventually he shut his eyes and raises his shaking hand to grasp the handle. The door came open with little resistance. The anxious side stepped in, this place was hauntingly beautiful. He looked around the flow of the cores were mesmerising he wanted to reach out and touch one but knew what would happen so he kept his hands firmly in his pockets. He ran his eyes over the cores till he found what he was looking for, Roman. The rose shine proudly. Virgil smirked at the design. Everyone else's was fairly simple but Romans was stunning. It looked as though it took years to carve. Small details lined every petal of the plant. And it shone like a star picked from the night sky. Virgil smirked "Even in death he's extra". This thought brought Virgil back to the present task, death. Roman was dead. And now it was up to him to bring him back or everyone was screwed. 

That's when it hit him, he had no idea how to get Roman out. The dark sides had keys, but the light sides had nothing. Virgil racked his brain trying to thinking of anything. Then it came to him. They have keys, they just don't look like keys. It's what Logan told him. Logans was a special bookmark, Pats was his cat jumper paw and Romans was, his was the.... The.. The... THE SWORD. Virgil quickly paced around the room looking for where it could be, then his foot collided with something on the ground. The object clattered across the floor. He raced across the room picking up the blade. It was slightly rusty, he ran his thumb down the side of the blade it was also blunt. 

The anxious trait then walked across the room to Romans core. He turned the sword once in his hand before raising it above his head. He brought it down into the rose. A blinding light flashed, bringing Virgil to his knees. His hands covered his eyes till he felt a hand rest in his shoulder. He glanced up to see Roman. Virgil let out a sob before jumping up and wrapping his arms around the Prince. 

Meanwhile after Remus had given Virgil the mocking smirk he turned away he had a punishment to come up with. He hadn't noticed the purple sides absents till a moment ago. Anger swirled in his eyes. He sunk out but not before giving the light sides a warning that if they tried anything there would be punishment. He rose up in the hallway just out side the cores. He chuckled as he heard the reunion through the door. "how sweet" he thought bitterly. Then he had an idea. He sunk back to the dark scape where his victims stood still trapped in ropes. 

Virgil filled Roman in on Remus. The Prince was disgusted "how could he?, well never mind that now. We must go defeat him at once!". Virgil scoffed "Us? Us? You, you must defeat him. There is no us. I've already saved your ass once today that's enough". Roman rolled his eyes at the other boys words before catching his arm gently and rising up in the dark scape. Virgil last thought was " great now he's marching into a fight with no plan" so you can guess how he was feeling. 

The brothers stood facing each other, each wore a look of upset. 

Ro- How could you?   
Re- How could I what? Do as you asked me?   
Ro- You know this wasn't what I meant.   
Re- Well how was I meant to know that? It's not like you talked to me about this. I'm done Roman. You keep running off. Leaving me in the dirt. You keep leaving me behind with no warning, coming back as you please. I can't do this any more. Remus gestured around in a circle. It isn't working.   
Ro- I never left you behind! You just never followed. Roman shot him a look of sadness. I wanted you to come with me on every adventure but you never came with me, and yeah I'll admit I could never put my pride away and ask you to come but I never ever forced you to stay behind. That was yourself. Don't blame me.   
Re- I never said I blame you, I don't. I know I'm annoying, I know I'm weird. Everyone I care about leaves me Roman. Virgil, Dee and then I though I was losing you and I can't take that. So I'm done, I'm going to the imagination.   
Ro- You can't just leave!   
Re- You did...   
Ro- Please don't leave me Re   
Re- Bye Ro. See ya around. Remus kicked his shoe out causing some dust to go into the air before sinking out. 

The ropes fell from the other sides they each rushed to greet Roman but he quickly raised his arms and backed away."I need a moment,alone". The other nodded, silent understanding filled the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, I hope ye enjoyed next chapter up eventually. I love to read your comments so feel free to leave one.
> 
> The author

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


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